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The Unattainable

I have been spending copious amount of hours trying to make a decision. My reflections sent me back to my journal and blog. I apologize this post will be extensive, but if you’d like to get a peek inside my brain then keep on reading! 😉 This post consists of two entries I made in my journal. One back in August and the other in April.

Thursday, August 28, 2014

I have been reading “Into Thin Air” by Jon Krakauer. Just last night, I read a passage that he quoted from Walt Unsworth,

“But there are men for whom the unattainable has a special                     attraction. Usually they are not experts: their ambitions and                   fantasies are strong enough to brush aside the doubts which                   most cautious men might have. Determination and faith are                     their strongest weapons…”

I don’t know why it took me quite some time to discern that this is who I am. As I reflect back on my experiences and interactions, I realize that the unattainable fascinates me. I tend to be content with being unvigilant when attempting to attain something that seems so wonderful because there are few who have had or lived it.

I discovered while trying to reach these unattainable goals, discouragement sporadically emerges for a brief moment. When this occurs I begin to question myself: Why am I trying to attain this aspiration? Is it really worth it? How much do I REALLY want it? Once I have it, will I still want it or will I move on? I may never know. Additionally, how long do I attempt to reach it? How much do I put myself through to reach the final goal…the goal I desire simply because, to most, it is unattainable?

Sunday, April 5, 2015

I recently reviewed to the passage I wrote back in August about desiring the unattainable and I began to reflect…

Everyone has their own aspirations in life. One of mine is to travel the world, but my aspirations do not cease there. I want to make a difference. I am not sure how I specifically want to make a difference, but I know I can do so by using my passion for teaching and learning.

Every day most of us are given a choice and each decision should be made based on how it will better our chances to accomplish our aspirations. I have come to that point in my life where I need to choose. I have reached the precipice of the mountain and now I need to decide if I should find a new path or take a leap off this precipice to the next highest mountain. Each decision has its risks and benefits, but determining which decision will assist me in making a difference or reaching my goals in this one life I have…is difficult.

I cannot live in fear. If I live a pusillanimous life then I will be unsuccessful. These last few weeks I had been living pusillanimously because of these decisions. I have had the fear that whichever decision I make then I could potentially discover that my choice was an egregious mistake. That terrified me.

After doing some deep reflection and cathartically disclosing my thoughts and concerns, I remembered that I cannot live in fear. If I want the unattainable then I will not attain it until that fear is eliminated. With determination and faith, I will reach my goals. I will be strong and courageous. I have also realized that whatever choice I make, I will not make an egregious mistake. I should just be thankful God has given me the possibility to have options in my life.

I shall not vacillate. Either I take that leap off the precipice or find a new path. Either way, each decision will present new obstacles I have to overcome. These obstacles will change who I am and my perspective on life, but it will not blind me from my aspirations. I will reach my goals. I will make a difference. I will attain the unattainable.

Beomeosa Temple

The following video is of Beomeosa Temple in Busan, South Korea! This temple is one of the three largest temples in the Young Nam province in Busan. It was built in 678 with an intention to realize the purpose of HwaEom, a Korean monastery that pursues a life full of happiness and generosity.

My cogitation about my experience in Busan will be coming soon, so in the mean time I hope you enjoy this video! 🙂